


Just wanna fix you

by zsomeone



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Asexual Bucky, Bisexual Steve, M/M, Unspecified Time Frame, he's not a bad guy he just doesn't get it, not canon anything, okay more like aro/ace, oral sex happens, slightly Steve unfriendly, they all live in the Tower because why not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:02:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27426889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zsomeone/pseuds/zsomeone
Summary: Bucky is asexual.  Steve is gallantly (and misguidedly) offering his services. They are not a couple here, but they do have some history.  Some coercion, but things only go so far.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 4
Kudos: 13





	Just wanna fix you

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve seen a lot of asexual fics where one character doesn’t ever want to have sex ever and the love interest is “I love you anyway and I’m totally cool with that and respect it.” It’s a nice fantasy (nothing wrong with that) but in reality everybody seems to think _they’re_ something special, somehow different. So I wanted to do a take.
> 
> I'm stretching a bit here because I don't personally think Bucky is ace, but he works best for this due to their history. (brain makes story, casts the players, hello welcome to brain)

Bucky knocked on Steve's door before letting himself in, then stopped just inside. There were assorted candles scattered around the room, and the overhead lights were turned down to a soft glow. And... were those rose petals on the floor? He cocked his head, "Steve? What the actual fuck?"

"Oh good, you're here!" Steve was wearing a button-up shirt with the top several buttons open over jeans, and almost vibrating with nervous energy. "I thought this might help set the mood? I don't know what you're into."

Bucky just stared for a moment, then grinned, "If you can't get me hot you'll just set me on fire? I guess that would do it!"

"What?! Oh god no!" but the ice was broken, "I just... I have no idea what I'm doing."

They both moved and sat on the couch, “Steve, I’m just here to talk.”

“You agreed we could try,” he looked sad.

Was it a crime to make Captain America sad? For someone who denied having puppy eyes, he sure as hell did and had no issues with using them, “I agreed we could talk about it,” Bucky corrected.

“I know! But I thought that just maybe... How long has it been since you’ve even had sex?”

Bucky snorted, “Been a while.”

“A while? As in months?”

“Try years. It’s just not important to me, I don’t miss it.”

“But it’s important to everybody!”

Bucky shrugged, “Not to me.”

"Is this a Hydra thing? I’ve thought maybe they trained you to seduce people, made you do it?"

He held up his metal arm, exposed since he was wearing short sleeves, "I wasn't designed for stealth, no they didn't use me that way,” he considered, “Pretty sure they couldn’t have made me do it, but who knows? They made me do plenty of other things.”

“But there must be a _reason_ you’re like this!”

“I’m asexual, I just don’t experience sexual attraction, I never have. _That’s_ the reason.”

"But it’s unnatural to not want sex! They must have done things to you, horrible things, to make you this way."

"They didn't make me this way, I was always like this. And it’s a valid sexual orientation, punk." Bucky had been relieved to be able to put finally a name to how he’d always felt, and wasn’t going to let anyone take that from him.

"You probably just don't remember,” Steve looked distressed now, “but _something_ had to have happened!"

"Hydra didn't fucking rape me, Steve," Bucky stated flatly.

"You wouldn't remember!"

"I'm no different than I was before, so even if you're right, _and I know you're not_ , that changes nothing."

“There _must_ be a reason.”

“Yeah there is, I’m _asexual._ ”

Steve stubbornly persisted, "But you used to be different! I remember, back in school. You dated all the time, you could have any dame you wanted. All the fellas were jealous of you."

"You ever think I just liked dancing? And they felt safe with me, I never pushed them for anything. And all the other fellas left them alone when they were with me." He shrugged, hadn’t thought too much about it at the time, "Wait, you thought I was sleeping with all of them?"

"Of course I did, everyone thought that! You mean you never did?"

Bucky shrugged again, dismissively, "Some of them, yeah. Sometimes, if they really wanted to. My dick works fine, if that's what you're trying to ask."

"You liked it," Steve’s tone hovered somewhere between accusing and yearning.

"Well sure, it felt good,” Bucky considered, “Never really understood what the big deal was though. Never cared to pursue it on my own, just went along if they really wanted to."

“But maybe if it was with the right person?”

“There is no ‘right’ person.”

"But this is _me_."

"I don't know why you think that makes a difference. It really doesn't, this is who I am."

Steve veered off, changing the subject, "Do you remember when we kissed?"

"Yeah. We were both drunk. I wanted to see if it would be any different with you, back then I didn't understand _why_ I was like I was."

“We were only drunk the first time,” Steve pointed out, “What about the other times it happened?”

“I was trying to make myself feel what other people seemed to feel, though if I tried hard enough I could do it,” he shook his head, “I basically used you, that was wrong and I’m sorry, but back then I thought maybe it would change, _I_ could change.”

“Why me? Was it because I was small like a girl and couldn’t possibly make you do anything you didn’t want to?”

“It was because you were my best friend and I knew I could trust you not to turn on me,” he considered, “And maybe a little of that too, but if so it wasn’t intentional.”

Steve shifted gears again, "Have you been with a guy? You know, like..”

“Drop with language thing, Steve, you’re not that much of a prude. I know you better than that. Say what you mean.”

Steve sighed, “Have you ever fucked a guy?”

"Yeah. I knew I wasn't into dames, had to see if maybe that was why. Wasn't any different though, in any way that matters.”

“Before or after you were in the army?”

“Both? Remember that guy from school who got sent away when we were sixteen?”

“The one they said got caught behind- That was you?!”

“No! Not the one he got caught with, but yeah I fucked him. Was terrified he’d tell someone, that’s when I started dating so much. I hate to admit it, but I was relieved when he was sent away.”

“That guy, from the stories I heard I’m guessing you fucked him. Did you ever try it the other way around?”

“Yes. I’m not inexperienced, just not interested.”

Steve changed the subject again, moving on, “You were my first blowjob, do you remember that?”

“Didn’t know I was the first, but I remember.”

“Why’d you do it?”

“I don’t know. Guess I wanted to se how I felt about it, see if I could do it. And I was about to leave, so I didn’t have to deal with...” he groaned, this wasn’t going well.

“And what did you think?” His expression was hopeful.

“Didn’t care for it. Sorry, maybe sexual attraction makes a difference? All I know is that I’m not a fan of giving oral, to either gender. Everything smells funny up close, and your tongue and jaw get tired and sore real fast.”

They faded into awkward silence, and Steve shifted position, moving closer on the couch. The whole room smelled of melted wax and wilted petals, why did sex and funerals smell the same? That was just weird. At least people didn’t usually cry during sex.

Steve cleared his throat, breaking the moment, “What if we both take our clothes off?”

“Then we’ll be naked. We’ve seen each other naked before, so what?” The team often changed together in the common area after missions, everybody just wanting to get out of their working gear. And they’d shared a room in the past, and of course nudity happened in the Army...

“I meant do you have a problem with that?”

“I don’t see the point? I’m not shy, Steve. But it won’t make a difference.”

“You promised you’d let me try this.”

“I promised I’d let you see it’s pointless, but whatever.” Bucky shrugged and stripped off his shirt, it seemed easier to just go along with whatever this was. At least for now.

Steve, apparently encouraged, quickly stripped off his clothes, briefly getting a foot caught in the leg of his pants and nearly losing his balance. Naked, he spread his arms, “Do you like what you see?”

Bucky too had finished losing his clothes, though much more calmly, “Sure, you’re a good looking man, you know that. Doesn’t make me horny though.” He saw the frown, “Neither does looking at Natasha naked, if that makes you feel better?”

“Wait, you look at Natasha? Isn’t that rude?” Steve had always made a habit of averting his eyes if she changed in front of him.

“I don’t know. She doesn’t seem to care.” Maybe only because she knew he wasn’t looking at her _like that?_ Bucky shrugged, “Our whole team is very attractive, it’s not like I haven’t noticed.”

They both sat back on the couch, about half a cushion apart. Steve was already mostly hard, and staring at Bucky’s exposed skin like he was... Clint with a pizza? No, bad analogy! Terrible analogy. Like he _wanted_ though, “Can I please touch you?”

“Steve, you can’t make me want it, I already told you it doesn’t work that way.”

"But I want you so bad... let me show you, let me touch you, let me help you, fix you..." Steve slid his hand up Bucky's thigh to his dick, rubbing, feeling him harden under the pressure. "You want me too, I can feel it."

"Steve," Bucky put a hand over his, stilling it, "it's a biological reaction. Sure it feels good, but it doesn't make me feel they way you do."

"Let me blow you."

“Steve," but he would give in, he knew it. Steve had always been able to lead him into situations he’d have otherwise avoided.

Steve dropped to the floor, moving to kneel before Bucky, nudging his legs open, “You don’t have to do anything back, I promise. I just want to, for you, let me.”

“You say that now...” He really should have expected this, stubborn as Steve always was, he wouldn’t give up until he’d tried everything he could, and maybe not even then.

"Please let me, I need something... please Bucky..."

"Fine,” he gave in like he knew he would, rolled his eyes and relented, “Have you ever even given a blowjob before?" Steve pounced and swallowed him down in one slow slide, "Okay clearly you have..."

Bucky closed his eyes and tried to concentrate on the sensations, trying not to think about anything else, it had worked in the past... sometimes, anyway.

But he couldn’t concentrate, couldn’t help but wonder why the fuck he was letting this happen, it really wasn’t fair to either of them.  
Because it was _Steve_ , because it was always easier to just go along with whatever the stubborn punk wanted.

Bucky sighed. Steve was actually pretty skilled, but he just didn’t really want to deal with this, and was mad at himself for just giving in and letting it happen so easily.

Shouldn’t have agreed to get naked... But no, that wasn’t justification. “Steve! Steve, stop.”

Steve lifted his head, all sad puppy eyes now, pleading even through the obvious lust, “Why?”

“Steve, I’m saying _stop_.”

“Was I doing it wrong? I can do better, I can make it good, you didn’t really give me a chance, just let me try again...”

Bucky groaned, “Please don’t guilt me into fucking you.”

From his sharp intake of breath, it was clear that at least part of him liked that idea. Steve didn’t move, still kneeling between Bucky’s thighs, weighing his options maybe.

Oops, accidently turned Captain America on even more, just his luck. “No,” Bucky grabbed his wrist, urging him up.

He sighed but obeyed, moving back to sit on the couch beside Bucky, as close as he was able now, “Touch me, please?” Steve lightly grabbed his wrist, urging Bucky’s hand toward his now very hard dick.

Bucky pulled away easily, Steve let him. “No. I made myself clear from the beginning, it’s not my fault you chose not to believe me.”

“But I was _so sure-_

“Yeah Steve, so sure that you know what’s best for me. You don’t.”

“I just wanted to make you feel good, that’s all, if you’d just let me...”

“Steve, _please_ don’t push,” Bucky muttered through clenched teeth. He knew he’d give in again if Steve persisted, “I don’t want it.”

Steve recoiled, sounding offended, “But you said you used to like it!”

Bucky tried to explain, _again_ , "I was fine with it before, never initiated but if they really wanted it sure, I'd go along. That was a long time ago. Now, it’s just one more thing people want from me, from my body. Yes I can do it if I have to, but usually I'd really rather not.”

“But it feels good, and I’m different! You know me!” He leaned in to try to kiss Bucky, who turned his face away, “I just want to help you get back to how you used to be.”

“Even if I wasn’t ace back then, _and I was_ , I’m not the same person I used to be. Neither are you. I wish you could just accept me for who I am and stop chasing ghosts.” 

“I do accept you!” Steve’s expression hinted otherwise, “I just miss the guy I grew up with. Is it so bad to want my best friend back? What about what _I_ want, what I need?”

“You don’t get to make this about you! My body wasn't my own for a very long time," he saw Steve's sharp look, " _Not_ in a sexual way, I told you that, but still. _I_ want to be in charge of what happens to me now, I want to choose what I do or don't do."

“So what do I do now?” Steve frowned down at his dick, which hadn’t yet gotten the memo that festivities were cancelled.

Bucky stood, putting his clothes back on, “Do what you want, or whoever you want, I don’t care. Just stop thinking you can somehow ‘fix’ me. There’s nothing to fix.”

Steve sighed, finally giving up, and put his clothes back on too, and they both sat back down. “I was half in love with you, back then,” he confessed, “Before the war. I think I could be again, if you gave me a real chance.”

“I know. I knew then, and I’m sorry,” he shook his head, “I love you, but I’m not _in love_ with you and I never was.”

“I knew. Guess I always thought I could change you.” He sighed again, “I want to ask though, please don’t get mad, I’m really trying to understand. Why’d you stop me now, why didn’t you let me finish? Am I that bad at it?”

“Your skills are fine, good even. But because it wasn’t even about me.”

“I was doing it for you!”

“No you weren’t. You do it, to anyone, because it turns _you_ on, and you hope they’ll be willing to do more with you if you make it good. Like that stupid baseball analogy, if you keep advancing you can steal home. You do it to get what _you_ want.”

“That’s not true! 

Bucky just raised an eyebrow and waited.

“I- Shit, you’re right. I never even thought about it that way.”

“Most people don’t. I guess it doesn’t matter much when sexual attraction is a mutual thing? I’m not sure, I can’t fully understand your side any better that you can mine.”

They lapsed into awkward silence. Candles flickered all around them, several of the smaller ones had already burned out. Bucky stared into the remaining tiny flames, “Steve? This is a fuckload of candles. You know that, right?”

“Yeah I went overboard, didn’t I?”

“A little bit, yeah,” he amended, “Okay a lot.”

“Are we good? I didn’t make things too weird, did I?” And the puppy eyes were back.

“You were born weird, punk” Bucky rolled his eyes in response, but grinned. “Don’t worry about it. And go find someone compatible to date, I know you get plenty of offers.”

“But why?” Steve furrowed his brow, “I mean tonight, why’d you even let me go that far?”

“Because... I don’t know. I knew your stubborn punk ass wouldn’t give up until I let you at least try? It was easier than arguing with you?” he gave up, “I don’t have a good answer.”

“You could have just said no.”

“I did. Multiple times.”

“Shit,” Steve slumped forward, “I really am a terrible person, aren’t I?”

“No, Steve. And you stopped when I asked you to.”

“Will you stay anyway? Despite,” he gestured to the candles and stuff, “all this?”

“If you’re done with trying to fix me, sure. You’re my friend, Steve, you always will be. We can catch up on some more movies.”

“Great! I’m gonna,” Steve gestured vaguely at his crotch, “take a really quick shower. Find us something to watch?”

“Sure.” Steve left the room, and Bucky grabbed the remote. It had been a weird night, but they were good.  
good.


End file.
